Have you ever thought you’d be really good at something?
Something you’ve never gotten an opportunity to do?
That makes 2 of us, or hopefully 482 of us…
There are a couple of things I’ve wanted to do for the majority of my adult life… One of them, I haven’t gotten to experience and the other I ended prematurely. Looking at these two very different but intimately related aspects of life, I am often frustrated that I am without these things. And to be completely narcissistic, my opinion of whether or not I will actually be good at these things is because of my desire, opinion and the ways I’ve been involved in the lives of others.
It seems very rare that men write about these things… especially when they don’t have them, but, I can’t keep the way I feel inside of my chest any longer today.
Within the Christian world, there is an underlying idea/understanding about relationships, which is: When you least expect it, God will bless you with that special man/woman.
Least expect it?
Or how about this one: When you are content in your singleness, then God will bless you with your husband/wife.
Allow me to step out of the Christian culture and into the honesty of my mind.
I have done a lot of things within the world of relationships… some, manipulative, based completely around my sexual pleasure, careless, and ultimately immature. Others, honest, respectful, loving, patient, and handled with integrity. And lastly, some were handled with a mixture of the two. If I had to weigh these three examples, option one has far out-weighed options two and three, however, I hope that grace covers all of these moments in my life, the ones that brought life and the ones that delivered death.
In trying to understand the Father’s grace it has led my heart to understand that I am pure, righteous and holy in the sight of my Father, the King, whether I am being selfish or selfless during any given moment. I can not believe that grace is a moment by moment thing, which can be embraced or lost within the course of minutes, but that is how it is served, on a gold-plated platter.
Back to “Least expect it”, and “Content”.
Dennis Gable was created to be a thinker, a dreamer, an analyzer, a problem solver, and a discoverer, which means there are very few moments where I would, “not expect” God to do something incredible… If this is a bad thing, I will gladly embrace my flaw, but I do expect God to do incredible, beautiful, undeserved things for His children… all of the time! I expect because I’ve seen…
In the post I wrote last week, entitled A Living Sacrifice, I talk about embracing the person that you were created to be, in all natural traits, mainly because God created you to be you… He didn’t make a mistake on the traits and characteristics He imparted to you upon your creation, He just asks that we’ll shape them for His glory and not our own… With that said, Dennis Gable was created with a powerful ability to communicate, a presence that is peaceful and an appearance that is yet to break a mirror… and whether these following traits are natural or learned, they are still a part of me, romantic, considerate, protecting, providing, interested in emotions and able to handle them without throwing up the dude walls, and I’m an open book; I like to talk about life. Some of the past relational experience I have entered into left me thinking that some of these traits aren’t normal or desired by women, which has led me into situations where I held back very real parts of myself, in order to not “be too much”.
At this point I sort of forgot where I was going…
… I am not fully content in my singleness, and I think that’s ok. I have a lot to offer a woman who is willing to sign up for this crazy-ass adventure that my life leads, and I have a lot to gain from a woman who loves Jesus and knows how to be a woman for her man. Now, don’t misunderstand… I’m not this desperate bag of emotions, whimpering and whining that I am single, I just feel like I’m missing out on one of the most incredibly beautiful and beneficial blessings that God has for my life. This idea of relationships and putting God first is so touchy within the organization, but let me say this: God, my Father, says that I am to love my wife like Christ loves me… completely selfless [amongst other things]. That is a pretty direct comparison, and if it didn’t hold so much weight and be a glorifying pursuit in the eyes of God, maybe I wouldn’t hold on so tightly.
I want my church.