I recently read a blog by Mike Paschall that ends w/ this line: Sir, she is waiting for you. To his overall point, I agree. There is a lack of willingness from men to commit, grow up, or take a risk… generally speaking of course. On the flip side, however, there is a horrendous movement of fear that has been implanted into the hearts of women. Rightfully so, I would unfortunately suggest. How is a woman supposed to find comfort in being led by a man when she’s experienced her father leaving, committing adultery, being manipulated, raped, cheated on, or used as a living sex toy?! Dudes [I included for the better part of my adult life] have really turned into hairy boys, but that may not even be a good explanation; although boys play games, they are also fearless! Most boys spend hours trying to hurt themselves and pretending to be super-heroes, or our dads, or professional athletes/musicians; we spend our childhood pretending to be men. Once we reach manhood, that doesn’t change… we play fantasy sports, shoot real guns versus BB guns and still think a commitment to women will give us cooties. I really want to make known that I understand the flaw of man and our need as a gender to step up and actually live our lives by embracing commitment, responsibility and relationships.
Back to the beginning… all of the bad examples of manhood have made it nearly impossible to breakthrough the thirty seven foot thick wall that stands between my pursuit and her heart, a process that is more exhausting than liberating most of the time. Let me clarify, I think it is good that we protect our hearts and are to some extent intentional with who we really let in to those intimate places… but how much faith do we put in our ability to protect ourselves from our hearts being broken again rather than in God to heal and protect us?
From this side of the coin… Please understand that the following words come from past experiences, relational observations and the natural fear I have of pursuing another woman who likes the idea of my pursuit but isn’t actually ready for me to do so.
There are some men who are ready and on the hunt for a woman who is in pursuit of Godly character, I am one of those men. As my heart is being continually prepared for this pursuit, and the time that follows, ie: marriage and children, I do not want to repeat my patterns or be the part of someone else’s repeat either. If I am being honest, when a man is in the position that I am, in regards to desiring a relationship and finally taking a dive into the sea of forever, the last thing we want is to play games and waste time. I would prefer not to spend an additional four months re-getting to know someone after she decides that she is going to open her heart to me and let the walls come down. Now, I am certainly an advocate of men fighting for a woman’s heart, which is a realistic piece of this puzzle and a necessary one at that. I think it is important to have a period of time [within the first month or so] of deciding whether or not you wanna give it a shot, which is the time that men can choose to fight and women can choose to lay down their guard. Why can’t both parties just be ready for one another? That question may sound a little hopeful and like a scene from a sweet chick flick, but I just don’t think it’s that far fetched. Throughout my adult life I have learned how to process and go through the steps of healing, maybe to well at times because I have been too introspective, but in the balance I am learning, I have accepted my past pains, grabbed ahold of my identity and I’m ready to get on with life. All I’m asking is for you to meet me here.
I encourage you, men and women to not live in your past pains; they do nothing for your future experiences except potentially sabotage them! You’re a good judge of character, without the pain you’ve experienced, let that [and Holy Spirit] be your guide.
And dudes… get it together, seriously… There is no glory in continuing the patterns that you’ve seen modeled by fathers, uncles, pastors, brothers, friends or even by me for those of you that have walked with me through my goods and bads. Let us meet women with a heart that is willing to protect, provide and commit for the glory of God and the holiness of her heart.