Over the past few days I have come to some really difficult, pride swallowing realizations about who I am and how I treat those I love. Retrospect is always an unfortunate view because it usually consists of my flaws, short-comings and leaves me wishing I would have done things differently. I am currently seeing my life through retrospective eyes and it isn’t very enjoyable.
I have realized that I expect too much out of everyone. These expectations often leave me unnecessarily disappointed in myself, in the people I love and many times I am left feeling insecure. These insecurities are ridiculous, but it seems to be a self fulfilling prophecy of mine.
I expect people to be there.
I expect people to want my company.
I expect people to say yes to me.
This is so depressing to realize. SO. DEPRESSING. TO. REALIZE.
Chances are you have fallen subject to this; there are no boundaries or requirements as to who this affects. Please forgive me. Forgive me for expecting you to love me the way that I want to be loved. Forgive me for not making you feel comfortable and confident in your decisions. Forgive me that I am just realizing this now.
How does this change from here on out? It is a matter of me, loving me, the way that I encourage people to love and appreciate themselves. It is me realizing that I don’t always know what is best for you or a specific situation. It is me realizing that life is worth enjoying and I should probably just chill the hell out, most of the time. And it is me realizing that people don’t have to spend time w/ me when I want them to and always know that they still love me.
I am sorry. It has been an incredibly rough couple of days in the mind of Dennis Gable. Please pray for me as I seek my identity in what was done on the Cross, not in my relationships, in my talents or in my popularity.