The Pain Game

Emotional pain is one of the most sinister demons that we can battle, mainly because we are tricked to think that we are not actually being wounded. Oh, how we are deceived. Emotional pain is like aids; it is contracted and at times won’t show its face for years. And it isn’t until that one moment, that moment where you try to do the very thing that you love and are put to a hault. Stopped dead in your tracks, only to lie down and hope the end comes soon.

In some sort of strange metaphor, we are all rotting from the inside out and it is only when the stench gets unbearable that we pay any attention to it. Our pores sweat out mold and our tear ducts release fungus. Our insides are pushing their way out with a massive force a force that is projected onto the people that we love the most, or care about the least. If someone is hurting you, chances are they are either desperately in love with the person that you are or you are completely dispensable to that person. At least this is true in my experiences… it is rare that I have ever emotionally scarred someone who I was half hearted about [if I’m being honest]. When the abused is someone that I love, I hurt them because I know that they will always be there, I assume that no matter what I do or say to them will be forgiven and so I act out. If I abuse the opposite end of the spectrum it is usually because I have no true deep down feeling for that individual or I have put very little thought into their existence [again, if I am being honest].

So, how do we get to the point where we no longer emotionally abuse the people that we care about the most? First, we need to trust in self-evaluation and really believe that although our power is limited we are able to self diagnose and be brutally honest with ourselves. Once this process happens we will begin to be broken down, brick by brick which will either lead to further rebellion or a humbling submission to the process [sometimes both]. Second, we need to be honest about what has happened to us, a viewpoint that I call, “call it what it is”. We as humans get into a habit of making a big deal out of the small things and down playing the big things. Making a big deal out of the small things is something that I am surely guilty of, however, actually being willing to call pain, pain is something that I have worked very hard at. This is a long and tedious process that should take you step-by-step, line-by-line through the most traumatic moments that you can remember. During this process, try to remove yourself from your body and think if one of your best friends were sharing this information with you, what advice would you give them? Therapy, treatment or counseling are the suggestions we typically make. Are you a ‘should be’ patient? During these process’ I recommend journaling, whether by putting pen/pencil to paper or by typing away on your computer. GET IT OUT! I would also suggest speaking to a friend or relative that you trust with your entire life and share the process with him/her/them allow other people to feel the pain along with you, there is great joy found in the sharing of tears and chances are you will also be a benefit to whoever you have confided in. If you do not have a faith in Jesus, by this point in the process you will surely wish you did. Our creator finds us when we are the most broken and willing to listen, otherwise when we are acting like we have it together, we do not need a savior because we have nothing to be saved from. What is most daunting about the movement of our heart is that we [in order to give healing an honest shot] need to honestly dissect letter of each word within each line of every story that our book possesses.

Start with your child hood.

  • Did your parents give you a good example of what it means to love or be loved?
  • Are they divorced?
  • Did you witness verbal or physical abuse between your parents?
  • Were you verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually abused?
  • If so, by whom?
  • When?
  • Who did you tell?
  • If you have not told someone, start today; tell one of the top three people that you trust the most.

This is enough to keep anyone busy for a decent amount of time. I will continue the steps to uncovering our pain, sewing up the wounds and starting the process to healing. If you would like to go through some of this, please email me, and I will provide more topics and thoughts to think through.

If you are not a Christian, I tell you this by experience alone… A relationship with Jesus Christ is the only way to truly heal your heart; only one created it and only one can heal it. If you are, lean on the cross and your brothers and sisters who cling to the same tree as you!

Dennis Gable


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