Tell Me What You Want [what you really really want]

If you are single, [not dating, married, or engaged] what are the attributes that you look for in a partner? If you’re life were a “Build A Mate” factory, how would you comprise your dream person?

If you’d like, be so specific as to list “must haves” and “maybes”.

Now, if you are in a committed relationship and faithful to your partner, [no matter its level of intensity, and have not cheated on that person] what are the attributes that you were looking for and found, AND what desired attributes did you sacrifice?

Last question, if you are in a commited relationship and have NOT remained faithful, what attributes do you look for in a fling that your partner doesn’t have and why don’t you just end the relationship?

Depending on your answers to these questions, I would recommend that some of you remain anonymous. However, if you feel the need to remain anonymous then maybe you should fix something!

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22 thoughts on “Tell Me What You Want [what you really really want]

  1. I wanted a partner- which is a weird way to put it. Most guys are super intimidated by me and just kinda sit in the background, don’t challenge me and beg for me to make all the decisions and tell them what to do/like/want. So I really just wanted someone who was enough of a man and sure enough of himself to stand by me (not in front of or behind me). I believe I have found that.

    All relationships are a work in progress. I wish I could say what we want is what we need and that things never change, but people change and so do expectations.

    MUST HAVES – good communicator, open and honest, emotionally secure, chemistry (sexual and friendship)

    I always said I wouldn’t date a divorcee or someone without a college degree. But those were because of insecurities in myself – Exes present a challenge (overcoming that your ex had that with someone else and won’t be experiencing things for the first time like you). as for the degree, guys get intimidated by the fact that I have a doctorate. I thought it would help a guy be more secure with me. Selfishly, I have always thought it could bring better financial security and job prospects, which is a reality. Those two things have not ended up mattering much so far in my relationship. He steps up to the plate in so many other ways that those issues don’t weigh on me…I may struggle internally, but that is getting easier with time.

    And our obvi struggle is religion…work in progress. 🙂

    • Shannon, thank you for responding! I think I know this guy who’s not what you’d normal go for yet everything you need 😉

      just so you know, it means a lot that you would take the time to read and respond, I mean, you are a doctor! [i’m funny!]

  2. I meant to say that it is difficult to overcome that your partner has shared a lot of those significant life milestones with someone else. I don’t want to be insecure and have those moments with me mean less because he has been there before. Sense? I hope so.

  3. Oh…the last question…in a previous relationship, both my ex and I were not faithful. In discussing our “flings” we both realized that we were feeling unloved due to lack of attention in the relationship – we didn’t spend time together or have those moments that kept reminding us of why we were together. That, mixed with youth, resulted in our transgressions.

  4. Okay these are about a husband because, well, that’s what I’m looking for.

    Must-haves
    -Loves Jesus. The more I date the more important I realize that this is. If I want to live for Jesus I have to have a partner that feels the same. The purpose of our relationship will be to bring glory to God.
    -Attractive (to me!) and we have to have great chemistry.
    -Strong, respectable, and dependable. Call me old-fashioned, but I want my future husband to be the head of my family. It’s just Biblical. While we will discuss decisions together, I have to be able to trust him to make good decisions for our family on his own if need be. I want a guy who has a lot of life experience and has learned from it; it has made him wiser.
    -Loving. He has to have a deep love for the people around him, because everyone is valuable and loved by God. Together we will love people. Also, he’s got to be loving and affectionate to me.
    -Passionate. About whatever he does, whatever his interests are. And especially about God.
    -Sociable. I want our home to be open to people. I want to live in community with our friends and neighbors. I want my husband to go out with me, and for us to do fun things together, and meet new people together. And hopefully he’ll like being outdoors.
    -I’m going to say…stimulating. I mean intellectually, and emotionally. We have to have good conversations and challenge each other to grow, while still respecting each other’s opinions and views. Hopefully it will never get boring.

    Maybes
    -Plays music. And will teach me to play instruments.
    -Has a beard. Okay there’s no good reason for that, just physical preference 🙂
    -Likes to do dishes. Because I like to cook, but hate to clean up after.
    -Is in some kind of ministry. Or missionary-type work.

    Omg this is a long list. You get the idea 🙂

  5. Amber – I totally agree with you on the sociable thing- I didn’t think about that and how important that is to me until I read it…Nothing is worse than having to force your significant other to be with your friends, be willing to open your home, etc. Good one!

    Dennis – You’re darn tootin’ right I am a doctor. A love doctor (I’m funny)

  6. My ideal woman would have to be an all out Jesus freak! LOL. Well, a woman that loves jesus would be just fine. In addition to that i would also be looking for someone who likes to laugh and make me laugh. She must have a job or atleast desire to work somewhere, be able to hold a conversation, drug free, encouraging (not just to me but others as well), kind hearted, and would want to have children when the time is right.
    There is so much more that i could go on for days but to be honest, if i had to narrow it down to my top 5 qualities they would be,
    1. GOD fearing
    2. sense of humor
    3. motivated
    4. loving
    5. Confident/Comforting
    I would love to meet a woman who could pick me up when i am down, comfort me when i’m scared, make me laugh, trust enough to share my struggles with her, pray with and for me, and walk this Narrow Path called life with me.

    • Timothy Mark Coogler Jr.
      These are good man, your top 5 is respectable for sure! I will be praying for this woman and for your heart, that it would be continually prepared to lead WELL. You have one heck of a story, a story that the Lord will continue to use for His glory. Strive for HONESTY and PURITY OF HEART.

      love you bro.
      dennis

  7. well… after 35 years of marraige, i guess i’ve FOUND what i was looking… warm, caring, fun, energetic, patient, kind, loving, and faithful. i’m sure there are a bizillion more words to describe the perfect mate, but it’s late, i’m tired…

  8. I’ve always dated very different types of men(boys) so I guess I’ve never really had a “type”, but looking back I can see that there is one quality that I’ve always been drawn to that has always been a deciding factor of whether or not I wanted to seriously date someone…..and that would be a killer sense of humor. I love laughing, being sarcastic and poking fun at things, especially my life and myself. If you can’t laugh at the life you live and the world in which you live it then you’re going to have a really hard time appreciating everything for what it’s really worth. With all the struggles and obstacles life throws our way, the only way for me to stay sane is to laugh at the irony of it all. And I think I’ve always looked for someone who can do the same. Plus, it never hurts to have someone in your life who can call you out on how silly you are being in even the most serious of times to try and humble you a bit.

    I’m very fortunate to have this quality shine through in my current relationship. The man I am with and who I love dearly is one of the wittiest people I’ve ever met. And he always keeps me on my toes. I may or may not be funnier than him(I am) but it’s nice to have someone with whom I can share all of my goofy little quirks with, someone who appreciates a good punch line, and someone who can cheer me up with just a few words said in the right, mockingsort-of tone.

    Besides humor, I’ve also found the qualities I desire most in the man I am with now, who is my soon-to-be-husband. He is passionate(about everything in his life), he is emotional and never afraid to express it, he places his family above everything and has made a constant effort to show my family that he holds them in the same exact spot within his heart, he is caring and loves people so hard in ways I’ve never seen a man love, he is forgiving, he is extremely sociable and has an awesome group of friends(too many to even count), he is loyal, he is incredibly sexy, he is honest even at the hardest of times, he is a wonderful communicator and can connect with anyone it seems, he has great taste in music, especially hip-hop(a man after my own heart right there), he is charismatic, and most of all……he is a constant work-in-progress, always trying to better himself, his life, and the life of those around him.

    My man is everything I’ve wanted and all of the things I didn’t know I needed. I am blessed to have him in my life and so appreciative of WHO HE IS.

    (I love you D, and I thought it was finally time to show some of that love via your blog. I’m so proud of you and all that you do on here, through your speaking, and through the connections you make with people every single day. You are truly the most amazing man and I’m so glad I get to experience you and your love.)

    • JAM,
      You are an incredible woman! Even through our toughest of days, I know that you love me and I am so grateful that you are on this journey with me.

      P!NK ROSES

  9. Amazing the way your thought process works…Dennis, you truly are an inspiration. You make people want to stop and think..I know you make me. I will have to put great thought into this and get back to write….have been thru marriage, divorce, love, loss and affairs….you make me want to stop and ponder what it was that went wrong in every one of them.

    • Cristina,
      Thank you again for taking the time to read the things that I write! It is always encouraging to know that they words do something, and to know that they have stirred so deeply into your heart is an incredible thought for me. I look forward to hearing the expression of your heart.

      dennis

  10. Providing I am not too late to the party, I’ll chip in my 2 pesos:

    I would really love to love, in every sense of the word, someone who is like Saul/Paul (author of so many NT epistles), Fray Ignacio aka “Nacho Libre” and Gomez Addams (John Astin’s portrayal would be preferred.) Oh, and a nice lady with tons of not-genetically-related grandkids to set us up, as someone did with my own parents 28 years ago. But then again, if YHWH’s plans for my future aren’t this, then I’d sure like to know what they are and how I can get on board with them.

    -Encarnacion aka DB.

  11. …Oh, and to Amber:
    Your list is very nice, what a world we could have if all of us females demanded what you did! And alternatively, if males expected likewise! Speaking from my own experience, be careful about asking for “missionary-type work.” YHWH can and will make that happen, and on His timing.

  12. I enjoy your blog Dennis, even though I’m a couple weeks behind. Here’s what I’m looking for:

    Someone who has really learned how to walk with Jesus. Not someone who just goes to church or knows the bible, but someone who has a good devotional life and depends on God everyday.

    A girl with lofty goals. I’d love to meet a career girl. I’ll have a family someday, but the homemaker type just doesn’t seem to fit me.

    Someone independent. Beyond valuing solitude, I want a girl who knows how to stand on her own two feet.

    Someone who talks a lot, who likes a lot of the same music and would love to watch an endless amount of Netflix movies… but that’s all just preference.

  13. David,
    thanks for reading my man! and thank you for putting this stuff out in the open. One thing that really stood out to me is this, “Someone who has really learned how to walk with Jesus. Not someone who just goes to church or knows the bible, but someone who has a good devotional life and depends on God everyday.” In our attempts as men to be the leader of our relationships, we must only desire what we ourselves are obedient to. It is hard to lead by example when you are not the example. My friend, I hope this does not come off as rude or negative, if anything I hope it is an encouragement for you to dive in to your relationship with the Lord. We are only as obedient as our actions.

    with love man.
    d

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