The other day I was getting ready to go to work and realized that my hair product was inside of the cute little vintage medicine cabinet at Jamie’s [our] house. In the hustle of trying to look presentable for work, I had this brilliant idea: go to Wal-Mart [because you have something to buy there anyway] and use a nickel sized amount of hair product, they’re Wal-Mart I’m sure they will not miss one can of product. Plus, who will ever find out about this? Other than the dude who purchases that specific can of hair product, only to feel violated and taken advantage of when he needs to use it for the first time.

I leave my apartment which happens to be across the street from our friendly neighborhood consumonster, I prowl aimlessly until resting in a parking space and forward I march. Rather than going to get the item that I actually needed, my jittery footsteps took me directly to Hair Care. First, I go around to the “black hair” products to see if they have any Murray’s, it’s like $2.00 and can easily last as many years as it’s price tag. I second guessed my scheme for a bargain but, when I couldn’t find brother Murray I rounded the corner and the first thing that I see is a little gray tub with a yellow cap that reads, Short SEXY Hair, and that’s exactly what I was going for. In compliance to my goal and mission to reach my goal, I grab the little plastic gray container with my left hand, with my right I turn the bright yellow cap to the left until it falls into my hand, I place the cap under the container in my left hand and use my right pointer finger to extract some of the stone blue compound from its home. Now I have a few drops of perspiration stating to fall in the sleeve of my shirt so I take the cap from between the little gray housing and the palm of my hand and with burning speed I twist the cap on using my thumb, middle and ring fingers on my right hand. Not so calmly placing the sexy maker back on the shelf I walked away from the main shopping aisle. Following the directions, of course, rubbing the product between my palms and then working it through my hair evenly. I had ended up in place that I started, walking swiftly by the Jerry curl juice. Just as I entered the main aisle I felt like Bruce Wayne  going into the phone booth only to exit as “The Beav” from the 1950’s sitcom Leave it to Beaver. “What are ya doin, Beav?” I thought to myself as if I was my own antagonistic older brother. With sweaty palms and shaky limbs I made a b-line for the exit, “Um, I can’t buy what I needed to buy now… what if I’m on camera?” …. “You’re an idiot! Just go back and buy the product.” This is what took place in my head as I made a U-turn at the intersection of Exit and GetOutOfTheWay. Alternating steps take me back to the place of my depravity, I make eyes with the little gray tub from hell and as my eyes sink to the metal shelving that has it elevated from ground level, my eyes find what they are looking for, a price. $15… FIFTEEN DOLLARS!? I didn’t even know that Wal-Mart sold anything that costs $15, I was so mad at myself that the one product that I tried to steal was literally the most expensive product for short hair styles. With angst I took the yellow headed demon from its place and continued on shopping with peace. Since, I have held resentment towards my new friend, when I purchased it, when I use it, when I look at it, frustration. The moral of this story is, if you’re going to steal and then feel bad about it, at least steal from a cheap product so your consequences aren’t doubled.

I hope that you understand… I’m sure that I am not the only person who has done something silly like this. Thank you for reading and finding likeness in our stories.

Until I have something else to say.


4 thoughts on “Depravity

  1. Dennis – you have me cracking up over here!!! Hysterical!!! you had me on the edge of my seat… My intention is all is wonderFULL in your life! love the new logo!

  2. LOL. I think everyone does that. Especially at Walmart. My mother works at one. And I’m there so often to visit her. Most people who do it though don’t really have the thought or intentions of “stealing” in their mind…but more of just trying a little of the product before deciding if they want to actually purchase it. In fact, it happens so often that they have someone who actually goes through at night..and moves the “open” or “tested” bottles to the front….or take them off the shelves if people managed to take too much or make a mess of it.
    I’m guilty of it too but I didn’t feel bad or feel nervous. I simply was late for an appointment that I didn’t have time to shower for…but ran into a Walmart and used some deodorant and I think some hairspray or something and then just walked out of the store once I was made appropriate to be seen in public. I even used their mirrors to get ready, and was watched by employees. They don’t really care.
    They ALWAYS have people walking around (who work for Walmart) that are dressed like regular customers…and if people look suspicious…they’ll see em on cam and you will be followed. Unless you stick something in your pocket and they see you stealing, they don’t do anything.
    They mainly try and stop people from stealing their expensive items and electronics.
    I saw one woman get arrested though for shoving STEAKS down her pants. Seriously, steaks. And a lot of them. Kinda sad, she wanted to feed her family. But steak is expensive. Maybe she should have went for something a little cheaper like chicken. ;op And not steaks that were $17-20 a steak. lol
    Not saying it’s right or anything. But it happens on a daily basis and more often than you’d think.
    And even with my hair also, products get expensive. And sometimes I am not going to pay $20 for something if I don’t know it’s right for me..and I will open it in the store and feel it in my hand. Same with makeup. Foundation can be like $15-20 too…however if you purchase it…go home and it’s not the right color..what do you do? You can’t take it back…you just wasted money. So I ALWAYS open it and try it in the store. hahah I’ve even had a woman that worked there come up and HELP me and open some to find the right shade.
    And with the above comment also…nail polish too. EVERY woman has opened a bottle in the store and painted a fingernail before deciding to buy it. ;op

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