This One’s For You.

The holidays are kind of like church on Sunday morning.

• We all of a sudden listen to music that we “love”.
• We smile and act like don’t have financial problems.
• We just so happen to like and get along with everyone.
• We hide the pains from deep family wounds and losses.

Let’s be honest, who really loves Christmas music?? I mean, there might be six people on this entire planet who listen to Christmas music between December, 26th and the fourth Wednesday of November. A large majority of us have incredible financial stresses, whether that be the hardships within a broken economy, the pressure to buy love with an excess of gifts or, daily, weekly and monthly bad spending habits. We might do our best to love the people we encounter but, truthfully, we don’t like all of them and that’s ok. And finally, our pain is real and the situation or loss that has caused such pain is real also.

I spoke to my little brother the other night, December 23rd to be exact and while one the phone with him, I asked if this week was tough emotionally as it is our first Christmas without dad. Starting to choke up while I was on the phone, we ended our conversation and I spent the next 15 – 20 minutes crying on the drive home. We [Jamie and I] arrived at the residence where we will begin our marriage, we sat on the bed and she asked what was on my mind. Floods of memories, thoughts, pains and hurts rushed out of my eyes. My 5′3″, 115 pound fiance held me and just let me cry, I am about 6′2″, 200 pounds and I couldn’t have felt more safe and smothered in love. One of the things that we forget when thinking of expressing our pains is the opportunity that we take away from others who long to extend love and comfort to us. Had my pride stayed on the surface not only would I have robbed myself an honest emotional release but I would have also robbed Jamie of an opportunity to actively love me. I want to encourage you today, on Christmas, when culture tells us to be merry to instead be honest. Cry. Feel. Accept comfort. Tell someone where the pain is coming from. The truth is, you aren’t as tough as you lead people to believe you are, the more people that you fool [including yourself] the more of a liar you become.

Be free today. There is hope for your heart. Jesus has provided comfort and change in my heart that I never could have imagined… It’s not all logic, if God is in fact God then some of it has to be supernatural.

I love you, all! Please know that I am fully understanding of your pain.

Silence

Silence is the remnant of my mothers voice.

Silence is the remnant of my fathers voice.

Silence is my punishment.

Right or wrong, I am a talker, an interrogator. I seem to be the suspect and the prosecuting attorney. This is my greatest strength in getting to know people quickly; I waste very little time trying to get to the point. Also, this is my greatest curse because more often than not I push the line way too far, all for what? An answer? Understanding? Clarity? Selfishness?

Yes.

When it comes to these moments my filter flies straight into the toilet and I say things I shouldn’t say, I use tones that I shouldn’t use and I am very invasive, pushy even. Where does my need to know lead me? Into my own personal hell where I get nothing communicatively. I push to the point that the people whom I love dearly don’t want to talk to me for an amount of time that is often undisclosed.

The pain that I experience in the moments that I am forced to bask in my own depravity is equivalent to someone taking metal skewers and jabbing them through random parts of my body. There is no way to locate which wound hurts the most and often difficult to really identify all of the places that I’ve been stabbed. What makes this the most depressing is that I have stabbed each metal rod through my own skin.

As emotion outpours from my self inflicted wounds I can’t help but be increasingly more condemning of myself; I am a good communicator, I am compassionate, I am graceful and I am protecting of emotions when I speak… most of the time. And in those off moments I see that I am more far off than I could have ever imagined.

Oh silence, please leave me soon. I pray that grace would replace the cold wind from your lips with warmth and comfort.

Until next time…

Put Up or Shut Up

Todays date is December Sixteenth and my depravity is redlining.

I would like all of you who are reading this to know how thankful I am for your willingness. Your willingness to read, to think, to invest, to feel, to cuss, to cry, to seek God, to disagree, whatever your response is to the things that I write, thank you.

With that said, let me ask you for your forgiveness? I have been dishonest in my silence and have taken my own words with a grain of salt rather than the weight of eternity. Often and without regard I encourage honesty, vulnerability and communication with an expectation that you will at least consider what life would look like if they were implemented. Allow me to “practice what I preach”…

One of the most painful things about denying ourselves instant gratification [whatever our crutch may be] is that it causes the selfishness and pride to fight its way from the depths of our hearts to the surface where it not only affects us but also those we love. These pains, habits, demons, whatever their title are haunting and deadly if not dealt with. I hope you’re ok with this…

Transition is happening, rapidly.

Six months ago I had no true desire to be in a “serious relationship” with anyone. There was nothing in my life that I wanted to sacrifice for someone or even compromise with them for that matter. I was comfortable in my “slip up and repent” lifestyle, a lifestyle that I worked very hard at mastering. I believe the date was July sixth, I was at lunch with my good friend James Monte and told him how far off I was from marriage or even the honest desire to be married. Four days later I met my fiance, a woman that I have known just longer than five months.

We [Jamie and I] have been through a lot. Our engagement is not premature considering the miniature amount of time that we have been together. I know her. She knows me. I know her story and she knows mine.  She held me when my dad died. She has held me when I cry over my moms death. She has let me read her journals. She has told me some stories. She has loved me, without the need for sexual interaction. Has there been? Yes. Do we fight for purity? Yes.

Jamie and I have not had sex [with each other]. This is kind-of a first for both of us, and although difficult at times it is by far the most worthy thing we have not compromised.

Where this turns dark is within my heart. There being a lack of sexual stimulation leads me to feel rejected and undesired at times, even though I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is not true. I know that Jamie accepts me, the real me, for who I am all of the time, without fail. I also know that she desires me completely, not just sexually, not just emotionally, not just my presence but all of these, all of the time. I often have to ask her forgiveness for this because it changes my mood, I react poorly and not only dread the sin that boils in my soul but also the way my poor response makes her feel.

One really neat thing about our relationship is that we both know that the other is going to be there, no matter the hurt, no matter the dark that is exposed, no matter what is said or done. It is because of this that there is so much transition. We are moving forward as a team [yes we have a team name... duh]. T.I.F.T.Y. which appropriately stands for Team I’m Funnier Than You! Team mates are mutually beneficial to one another, I plan to further assist Jamie in becoming a professional photographer and she is supporting and complimenting of my pursuit of full time public speaking. If you have known me for any amount of time then you know that I am known for doing just enough to get by, those days are now over as I have been entrusted by God, another to provide for.

The days of forty hour work weeks are rapidly approaching and although I am scared because I have never done the 40HPW thing well, I am very excited for the growth that will happen in both mine and Jamie’s hearts during this time. I will be making enough money that Jamie can focus on photography and work on a little of my speaking stuff and I can focus on speaking at night. A good friend of mine has a ten minute clip on YouTube where he talks about the original “call” that God has put on our lives, and how we react towards God when we don’t get the other things that we want.

When I was 18 years old my heart was softened towards youngsters within the church walls. Kids in youth group aren’t necessarily Christians and my heart brakes for them, however, I have tried so hard to not be the “church guy”. I don’t have bleached tips and I no longer wear pookah shell necklaces [sorry for the stereotype].

God is making a Man out of me, it is painful and beautiful at the same time and Glory Glory that He decided to use a beautiful woman to initiate some of this growth… The saying is true “it is not good for man to be alone”.

I’m not really sure where all of this came from or is going, it is a journey all its own.

Your opinion matters!!!!

My life is going under the digital knife… My logo, blog, twitter, etc is all going to have a face lift and I want to make sure that you dig the new and upcoming face.

My good friend Chris Meisner is performing the surgery so make sure to tell him thank you if you like what he’s up to.

This is going to be the new banner for dennisgable.com and this color scheme is going to take over the internet! please let me know your thoughts on the new logo as well as the colors within this picture!

Thank you for being an active part of my passion.

L!VELOVE

Christian Politics?

Last week I wrote a blog called The Man I Want To Be that has seen a great deal of activity because of a couple buzz worthy topics: abortion and gay marriage. If you have not yet checked it out, please do and browse the great conversation that’s taking place. Then come back and finish reading this, of course.

This statement is made quite often, “Christians shouldn’t support that.” This phrase is often coupled with this question, “Can you be a Christian and do/believe in/stand for that?” That just seems so absurd to me at this point in my life… replace that with anything that is considered sin [disobedience to God's design] and the more appropriate question should be, “How do Christians we stay away from that while attempting daily, weekly, monthly or even more sporadic obedience to God’s design?”

Too often we create opinions on situations that we have never experienced and/or are not tempted by and somehow the evil that we commit is dismissed because it’s not that. I have been witness to this in reading the numerous comments that have been posted in reply to my blog. I have been witness to this in some very personal conversations that I have had with individuals who feel so alone in the mists of their personal “that” that they stand for things or protest actions or speak in a gentle yet evil tone about people who live in a world full of “that“.

Let me help sober you up… YOU are guilty of “that“!

The areas that you choose to disobey God are just as evil as the abortion that I went through with, or two men/two women who choose to express themselves in an intimately romantic relationship. You’re no greater. AND, if in fact you have experienced salvation and redemption in Christ it should only lead you to be more aware of how disgusting your heart truly is which should then lead your heart to praise God for the grace that He poured out onto your wretched little existence.

As the “church” we should not be tolerant of the disobedience and intentional pain that is caused to our family members within our church, especially if the daggers are thrown by fellow brothers/sisters.

But… as the “church” we should extend love to all people who do not know Jesus, not in some relative, new age sort of way, in an active and intentional way, in a Christ mimicking way. The way that Jesus loved the woman at the well, he didn’t walk up to her and preach a sermon on divorce, he loved her, offered her eternal life and then encouraged a movement of separation between her heart and the sin that lived within it.

Get off of your religious high elephant or donkey and don’t make decision based solely on and idea that “the church” does or doesn’t do that.

If you think I’m crazy or heretical, tell me

WEareForCHANGE

No, this is not a new Obama campaign [although it would probably be a good one].

In 2007, America spent…

Thirteen billion One hundred forty eight million one hundred ninety two thousand seventy seven DOLLARS

$13,148,192,077 was spent on 11, 456,768 surgical and non-surgical appearance altering procedures across the country.

I am currently sitting at Lux Coffee, an eclectic place comprised of indie kids and professionals alike. In my curious observation of the individuals who were walking in, out and through Lux I was disturbed at how many masks I have been exposed to. I mean, I realize that vanity is a chronic problem in our culture but, this is absurd. I can’t even wrap my brain around a number like $13,148,192,077… the amount of “good” that could be done for the oppressed, struggling and needy is not just life changing rather earth changing. Since 1997 there has been a four-hundred precent increase in the amount of plastic surgery done in America. It is no longer just famous and rich people… it is the cashier at your local grocery store, your math professor, your local barista and you. One of the aspects of this problem that is very disheartening is that young girls don’t even have to watch television or read the tabloids to be influenced to be dissatisfied with their appearance, they simply have to look across their empty dinner table. Empty dinner table? Yes, at the empty seat where their mother should be but isn’t because she’s out acting like a child, again.

I personally think that media is doing an awful injustice to children and adults alike in regards to the manipulation that we all face, however, the problem is now working itself from the inside out… it’s hard to point blame to the media when parents are just as empty.

Our culture isn’t going to let up, any… However, we, as adults have the ability to fight for satisfaction. It would be a beautiful thing if we could look forward to being 40, 50, 60 rather than dreading it and starting a savings account to visually reverse time.

There, my soapbox is now empty, for today

p.s. here is the link that I gathered my information from http://www.cosmeticplasticsurgerystatistics.com/statistics.html [I obviously failed the "citing" part of english]

The Man I Want To Be.

Am I a Christian?

Am I a rebel?

Am I a waiter?

Am I a motivational speaker?

Am I a conservative?

Am I a liberal?

Am I Italian?

Am I a brother?

Am I a fiance?

Am I a follower?

Am I a leader?

Who do you say that I am?

Although Jesus asked this question with the most legitimacy, I think it is a fair question for us to ask those around us. Who am I to you? How do you see me? What is your perception of who I am?

This run of questions has played out in a number of different ways in my life; at times I have led people to believe that I am conflicting men. At times I have been viewed as conflicting men. I use the term men, because it is perceived that I am not clinging tightly to one or the other, rather straddling the line of both.

I posted a blog very similar to this when I was asked to not speak at a Christian camp this summer because I have tattoo’s and am comfortable drinking beer. [If you are interested, you can read that blog HERE] This is something that has come up again and again. I was recently denied a speaking engagement at a public high school because I am a Christian. Once that information was out there, my reputation didn’t matter, my level of professionalism didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

This becomes somewhat frustrating in the pursuit of what I want to do with my life, which is: speak. To anyone. Everywhere. Whether that is a public school, church, camp, it doesn’t matter, to me. It does matter to those who have the power to employ me… Because I am a Christian that holds to some conservative views and attends church every Sunday I am often viewed as this:

There is also another side to me, I am tattoo’d, I drink beer, I hold to some liberal views, I am pro-choice and that often has me viewed as this:

Both of these judgments are completely unfair and make it extremely difficult to create a marketing plan for my life and the information that I want to share with students [and adults].

So, if you’d be so bold [even if that means anonymously], how do you view me? Who am I? This is how I see myself:

I hope you are having a great day, thank you for taking a few minutes to hangout with me a bit. Be bold… tell me what you think. While you’re at it, who are you? Are you the man/woman that you present to the world?

L!VELOVE

Hand Washing & Stepping In Pee

A few days ago, I was at a local [Tempe] bar where I saw a man unbuckle his belt, unbutton his pants, reach inside of his tighty-whiteys, grab his “package” and put it on display for all of the occupants to see. After this extremely uncomfortable indecent display he then proceeded to hug and [attempt to] high five the people who were with him. As you can imagine, sobriety was not involved in this little adventure but, that isn’t even the point… Think about the following run of events:

Guy fondles his “stuff” [which the previous whereabouts are unknown].

High-fives his friend in a celebratory fashion.

The friend then touches his drink, his money, and maybe even your hand.

You often handle money, shake hands with new acquaintances and have no idea what is left for you.

Here is another scenario… How many times have you used a public restroom either male or female and either been the person who exits without washing their hands or witness such a vulgar display of inconsiderate action? We have all witnessed this. Again, think about what those hands proceed to do throughout the rest of the night… At one point I joked about making stickers to stick on bathroom urinals and stalls that says, “I don’t want to shake your d!#k, wash your hands!”. I still might produce these; I think it’s funny!

You want to throw up right?

Now, I’m not a crazy germ-a-phobe… I actually think I lean towards the other side of that pendulum but, hand washing is possibly the most religious activity that I hold to. I will rarely eat at a restaurant without first taking a trip to the little-boys room to wash my hands, even if their clean…

What caused this random blog post?

Well… I was using the restroom at Cartel and there were three decent size droplets of pee on the floor which I mopped up with the bottom of my shoe before taking care of business. Then I thought about how often I touch my shoes when I take them off, pick gum off of the bottom, etc. which led to a train of dirty handed thoughts…

Wash your hands after your go number one or number two, before you eat or before you serve me food… If in your daily activities you are able to think, “I would not want someone to shake my hand after doing/touching that…” after whatever that is, wash your hands, please.

I have probably just created an OCD hand washer or germ-a-phobe which was not my intention… just be more consciously aware of what you’re touching and what’s touching you.

Have a radical day!!!

And in case you’ve forgotten the steps of proper hand washing, I have included a diagram

The Adventures of JAM & Non-Profit

Four months ago yesterday, I received an email from a beautiful brunette who caught my attention with more than array of permanent color that dresses her right arm. Her email was honest and inviting, I comfortably obliged her request for further conversation and possibly friendship. Her name is Jamie.

Jamie and I met during fits of self-destruction and it seems as if God allowed our very different worlds to collide in order to bring… order, growth and a hint of consistency. There are very important things that you need to know about an individual before you decide to make them your spouse, however, in our culture it seems that “spouse” is another word for hobby. When your interests change you are free to discard and choose another.

I don’t see quite like that.

So, from day one, Jamie and I have had to be very intentional with one another, the words we say, the things we do and the ways in which we respond to one another. The only word that can describe our relationship is, growth. We are not the same as we were when we met, it’s as if our relationship is an arm of sanctification [which is the churchy word for continued growth towards Christ-like-ness]. I am ten times the man today verses the man that I was four months ago.

I am desperately  in love with Jamie! This love runs so deep, I could write an entire blog containing the things that I have said to her and love and appreciate about her. I don’t love her for who she could be or will be [although I look forward to us growing more and more]. I don’t love her for what she can do for me. I don’t love her for her looks. I don’t love her for anything other than who SHE is.

Our Tree

 

 

Yesterday, was a very special day… from the moment that I opened my eyes, I just knew that yesterday was the day. We were running some errands and were headed out for a little leisure time, on the way out I suggested that we stop at “our tree” [yes we have a tree that is ours]. When we got out of my car I grabbed my backpack [which isn't something normal for tree time] and she asked, “what are you bringing your back-pack for?” “Uh, I want to show you something” I replied. Down by our tree I pulled out my laptop and opened the appropriate file and handed her my computer.

These were the first words that she read, This is what Love looks like: The Adventures of JAM and Non-Profit. [I kept record of every major event and detail within our relationship from our very first interaction at Casey Moore's on July 10th, not that I'm paying attention or anything...]  JAM and Non-Profit are nick names that we have coined each other with. She started reading, looked at me and said, “you recorded our story…” I replied by saying, “just keep reading”. Jamie’s eyes scan the screen as she gets through page one, two, twelve and that is when I interrupted her flow and skipped thirty pages. Page forty two was the record of the first time that Jamie took communion with me at Praxis, forty three concluded that event and ended with these words,

 

“Mama, This is our journey. The most important roads that we will ever walk are the narrow ones. The path that Jesus walked is narrow. The path of our love is a narrow one. The path of parenting is a narrow one. The path of full time service to God and man is a narrow one. There is little room to stray, detours are not optional and there is a great responsibility that we bear to each step on this narrow road. There are six feet walking and only two prints show in the dirt as Jesus carries us home, through the good times and the hard times. Our journey together has just begun………”

The series of dots was to say, “please keep reading even though this seems like the end” and luckily she did. During her reading, I smuggled the ring from my backpack and hid it inside of my hat until we got to this point… Page forty four read this way:

She  looked at me with eyes that matched her words, “are you serious?!” I shuffled from my butt to resting on my left knee, opened the little back box and asked, “Jamie, will you marry me?” She just hugged me and in between cute little lips only kisses said “yes, yes, yes, yes”. I’ll spare you the details from all of the hugging and nauseating couple talk that took place for the following hour.

The ring that I was fortunate enough to put on Jamie’s left ring finger is a ring that my dad’s mom gave to my mom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As far as details are concerned… We are getting married on a beach in San Diego and then throwing an incredible “prom” themed reception! Dates are to be announced.

 

I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Do We Feed the Need or the Addiction?

This is something that I have spent some time thinking about and I don’t think this blog will even be able to fully express the ideas that I have.

A hand-full of months ago, I took it upon myself to get some people together to “Feed the Need”. FtN was my attempt at reaching out to the homeless population in the Phoenix Metropolitan area. I have heard multiple stories about how in need the homeless are and how much responsibility I bear to make sure that they are fed and clothed.

What makes the homeless community my responsibility?

Is it because I’m a human and therefore should have some emotional connection to the “need” of other humans? Or, is it simply because I am a Christian, and Christ said that we should care for the widow and the orphan and so I am eternally responsible for the well being of others?

Maybe the answer to this question is both… There is something inherent about how our hearts are connected and it takes a massive amount pain, naivety or manipulation to hate humanity.

I in fact, do not hate humanity, rather I have a deep love for the men and women who aimlessly roam this big blue playground. Daily my heart is broken for the individuals that I see wearing an outfit for the thirty-seventh straight day. My heart is broken due to the decisions that they have made to end up where they are, I don’t say this in a heartless way, however, in my experience there is a very high percentage of homeless people that have made very specific decisions to end up where they are. There are also very special people who have experienced a rough turn of events that leave them with limited options and homelessness is often one of those options. The unnerving thing is that we can not tell simply by looking, we must hear their stories and be willing to shake dirty hands. Hands that have cooked dope, wiped their backside or masturbated without being washed afterwards.

As I mentioned earlier, I had started what I thought was going to turn into a movement of care and support for homeless individuals in Phoenix. We were a group of kids who wanted to “Feed the Need” that we see everyday. I was disheartened at what I found to be true about this community that I was exploring and giving the time, money and resources of twenty something twenty-somethings.We discovered that the shelters which have been built and designed to benefit those who are homeless were not full!

What?! You mean to tell me that we interacted with hundreds of men and women who appear desperate and are without new clothes, a home or the ability to cook their own dinner and yet they blatantly refuse assistance… Hmmm. That seems somewhat ignorant, right?

And so, the question arises… “how do we know who is on the street because life has turned upside down on them and who can’t free their hands from the pipe/syringe or bottle?” I would say, we know because they are the ones who are taking advantage of the FREE services that are provided for them. C.A.S.S. which stands for Central Arizona Shelter Services offers literally everything that one would need to get back on their feet and begin to provide for themselves or their family. The services available at C.A.S.S. are  drug/alcohol treatment, job training, shelter, clothing, food, shower, mail services, psychological therapy, medication, state issued identification, literally everything that someone would need to reestablish themselves as a functional piece to our dysfunctional society. Once I learned that the homeless can eat at least three free meals a day and have all of these services available to them and yet the shelters are not reaching capacity, I stopped feeding a gluttonous stomach.

I could not let myself facilitate their homelessness, no matter how “good” I felt giving a sandwich to someone willing to take it. Shoot, if someone offered me a sandwich, I’d eat it!

Regretfully, I responded incorrectly.

Everything came to a screeching halt! There was no motivation for me to be taken advantage of by men and women that I have experienced time and time again in my life. I have seen more of my fathers syringes, spoons and arm ties than I’d like to remember, I guess the fact that he was a “functional” addict gave him a little more freedom. Nevertheless, there is still a need that is very apparent and worthy of feeding. We must feed this need with much more than a sandwich rather with rich conversation and faithful prayer. My friend Chris Meisner and I discussed some options to this pursuit and how we as humans can be the most effective while not feeding addictions but rather by feeding the void that has led them to addiction in the first place.

Join me in prayer for our city or rally people to pray for your city. There will be a new movement started a movement of love, active, purposeful, love.

I would really love your thoughts on this topic as it is a touchy one and I do not have all of the answers, nor do you so, hopefully together we can appropriately feed the need while being good stewards of time and resources.

 

L!VELOVE